You are not an outsider, the shared secret

When I talk about the pain our men carry, I am not just watching from the sidelines. I am not a stranger to the dark. I am a survivor, too.

I know what it feels like to have your trust stolen. I know the weight of secrets that feel too heavy to carry. I have lived through the abuse, the neglect, and the violence that I drew in my maps.

We Are Carrying the Same Weight I’ve had men tell me they feel ashamed of what happened to them when they were young. They feel like they have to be “tough” and stay silent. If men speak out about their abuse they are called a liar, attention-seeker, or worse. We have to stop asking men to speak out an then leaving them where they are once they do so. They need support, we all do, when we speak about our biggest traumas.

I am sharing this because I want you to know: You are not the only one. The Outlaw Bond In our community, we are often told to “get over it.” We are gaslighted and told that our trauma isn’t real. But the loss of men shows us that the “Bang” is very real.

I’m not just a daughter who lost her father or a sister who lost her brother. I am a woman who was hurt, who fought back, and who decided that the cycle ends with me.

The Mission If you are a man or a woman carrying the secret of abuse, please listen:

• You are not “broken.” You were targeted.
• Your past does not make you weak. It gave you the grit to still be here today.
• We cannot have healthy kids until we have healthy parents.

I am tired of our people vanishing because they were too ashamed to speak. I am breaking my silence so you can find the strength to break yours. Let’s build something better than the silence.

Daily Sovereignty: The 3-Step “Architect” Reset

When you have AuDHD or CPTSD, your nervous system can feel like it is stuck in a loop of chaos. This exercise is how you break the silence and ground yourself in the present.

Step 1: The Outlaw’s Grounding (60 Seconds)

Take off your shoes if you can. Stand on the earth or feel your feet heavy on the floor.

• Look at your surroundings and name three things you can see that are solid.
• This tells your brain that even though your heart is breaking for people like Christopher, you are still standing here.
• You are not in the “Bang” of the past; you are in the safety of the now.

Step 2: The Posh Filter (The 4-Count)

Your brain might feel messy, like a page full of shame and betrayal.

• Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, and exhale for 4.
• As you exhale, imagine you are filtering out the “noise” of the people who gaslight you.
• You are clearing space for your “Pattern Lab” brain to work.

Step 3: The Architect’s Command

Finish the exercise by saying one sentence out loud. It must be a “Sovereign” statement.

• Example: “I am the architect of my own peace today.”
• This moves you from being a “victim of the cycle” to the “one who breaks it”.

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Why This Matters

We are tired of seeing our people vanish. By doing this every day, you are training your body that it is safe to stay. You are teaching yourself that even with a 10/10 ACE score, you can still be the boss of your own life.